God’s way is always better than ours. But we have to learn to wait.
About a year ago, I was desperate to get out of Los Angeles. Not only had my rent been increased in my old building, but crime had been ticking up all around me, and my friends had all moved away to safer, more affordable cities and towns two years earlier. Fortunately, I had a good boxing gym, because if not for that, I would have been totally isolated. I’m sure I could have eventually made new friends, even in a big city, but the thing is, I didn’t want to. I couldn’t imagine the crime rate improving there after witnessing the downward spiral of even the best neighborhoods, including my own. The LA I knew had changed. I wanted out, but how? And where would I go?
I set my sights on Orange County because it was not very far away, it seemed safer, and I figured it would also be the least expensive move I could make with the high cost of gas and moving companies. So I searched and searched for apartments. For nearly two years. No luck. I prayed, of course. Well, more like, begged. I pleaded with God to please help me find a good place to live in OC, and I was frustrated, disheartened, and dismayed when my prayers continued to be ignored. Or so I thought. Looking back, I really should have known better by then. God doesn’t ignore prayers. He just doesn’t usually answer them the way we think He will, or should.
One morning I was sobbing during my prayers and I was just so angry with God. I asked Him if He even really loved me, because He wouldn’t help me. Silence from above.
A few days later when I was journaling God’s voice, He told me I would go and live by the water soon. Now, this caused me even more frustration because why was He telling me I would go live by water, yet I couldn’t see how this was possible. It was hard enough to find a studio I could afford inland, and now He’s talking about coastal living?? I pretty much gave up hope at that point, decided I must not really be hearing from God, and stopped looking. I resigned myself to staying where I was, and making the best of it.
Then God showed up.
Early one morning I was listening to a teaching by Mark Virkler (whose lectures I can’t recommend enough!) on hearing from God, and why we can sometimes miss what He’s telling us, or even get an incorrect answer. He explains it better than I can, but it comes down to focus. Where was my focus? When I would go to God and present my problem, was I fixing my eyes on Jesus and tuning into God’s frequency the way I was supposed to do? Shamefully, no. I was not. I was focusing on the problem I had, not on God. So I wasn’t hearing His answer.
I was focusing on the problem I had, not on God. So I wasn’t hearing His answer.
Realizing my mistake, I repented for that and came to God again with my request. He immediately answered me. He said, “Memoree, you can do things your way, or you can do them My way. But My way is the High way.” I replied, “God please let’s do it your way.”
It was then that He showed me where to look, and it was not even in Orange County. It turned out to be in San Diego county, and the water He was referring to was not the ocean, but a simple stream that runs behind my current home. And what’s truly amazing, is that even though this home is nothing like what I was originally looking for, it is everything I could have ever dreamed of wanting – I just didn’t know it at the time.
That’s because God knows what our souls need to be healthy and joyful much more than we could ever know. I never would have searched out where I’m living now – which is perfect for me – on my own. I had to trust God. His ways are higher than my ways.
I’m sharing all of this because this is a common mistake everyone makes when we feel like our prayers are not getting answered. Humans have a tendency to want to fix things on our own, and we also have a tendency to want to zero in on our problems, ruminating and obsessing over them.
What we need to do instead, is present the problem to God, trust that He will fix it, because He desires what is good for us, and focus our hearts on His goodness. Listen. Wait patiently. Then the answer will come – in His perfect timing. I learned this the hard way, but I learned it.
Recently, I have been dealing with another battle, and when I asked God about how to handle it, with a distressed heart I told him what I thought I wanted. So He reminded me of all this. He asked me, “Memoree, did I not know better than you where you should live? Why would you think I don’t have a better plan for this new problem than what you’re thinking of?” I shut my mouth. I’m still waiting to see how God will reveal His superior plan regarding my issue, but I know He will. And that knowing – which is faith – is what makes all the difference.
Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him. – Isaiah 30:18
Sometimes the waiting can be quite long. This can be very upsetting, especially for us humans today, because we live in a world of instant gratification, which has skewed our perceptions and expectations. And if you’re waiting for something where time is of the essence, like physical healing, money, a job, help from pain – then waiting doesn’t always come easily, or even naturally.
Jesus understands this. Even Jesus cried out to God on the cross, wondering, at the last hour, if God really would let him die, with nothing but pain and suffering to show for his sacrifice. Yet God came through, and raised him on the third day. If we consider our situations in light of this, we might become more patient. Or not. Regardless, what is the alternative?
I don’t have all the answers, and I don’t claim to understand God’s timing. I only know that when I look back on my life thus far, the times I was faithful to wait for God’s way of doing things were the times I received something truly amazing. The times I went about things on my own…not so much. I’m a human. I f*ck stuff up. And even when I don’t make a total shit show of things, I make it less than what it could have been with God. And that’s a tragedy.
So, even though my present situation feels urgent to me, and I could go ahead and “fix” it on my own….I think I’d rather wait.